Two

The second chapter! Welcome back!

When we left off, baby One had just been born, a clumsy couch potato. Stiles immediately goes to snuggle her next to The Crib.

Next, it’s mommy snuggle time…aww, how sweet…

“I am…your god…I am…your god…”

Is it just me, or is someone whispering in here?

“Do not listen to the false deity, little One, I am the authority around here…”

Celebrating her newly un-fat body, Zero goes jogging the next day while Stiles is at work, leaving One with…this.

“Why, howdy there, my name’s Toby, I’m jolly right glad to serve you today Ma’am…Red Cross certified, over 100 hours of experience and water-tight referrals!”

His happy manner is clearly hiding something deep and dark…it’s like a clear stream, you know the shark’s lurking under the surface…*cue jaws music*

One agrees with me and shows her displeasure by trying to smack The Babysitter in the stomach. It doesn’t work.

GOOD LORD, HE’S IMMATERIAL! HOLY CRAP HE’S A DEMON!

“Just one quick bite…with a drop of hot sauce…no one will notice if I re-swaddle her…”

One’s babyhood passes very fast, meaning I really didn’t care enough to take pictures of it.

Uh, Stiles? Party’s behind you, baby.

Some birthday, ahahahah! Mom’s getting food out from the fridge and dad’s looking in the total wrong direction :D

One is the creepiest toddler I have ever seen! But BLUE HAIR! I’ll get a close up of her soon, don’t worry. She’s actually kind of cute, but with a tendency to give people *this * look. right now she’s giving zero the death stare.

“Minion, you are old enough to be inducted into Uvraydom! Watch as I conduct the ceremonial invisible orchestra! Minion? MINION! Put down that mallet!”

Not pictured: One attempting to decapitate Zero by sticking the mallet straight through her forehead as she leaned forward. No joke, animation glitch = WIN!

Now that Stiles is an adult and One is a toddler, Zero is feeling the rush. We’ve got to pop out at least two more babies, since I want at least three per generation regardless of whether or not it’s required in the legacy rules, and she’s only got seven more days until adult…I want at least two babies before she’s an adult. So WOOHOO AWAY!

The only time One pays attention to Zero is when Zero talks about llamas. One loooooves llamas. It’s a regular topic of conversation.

I suspect One hates Zero. I often catch her staring at her mom and slowly shaking her head back and forth while rolling her eyes…jesus! Creepiest toddler, I’m telling you!

Stiles the symphony member approves of his daughter’s choice of playthings.

jog, jog, jog some more. All her wishes are about wanting to gain athletic skill or go jogging.

“I don’t feel too hot… *spews green stuff into the street *

Now do you believe what I’ve told you about not jogging while you’re pregnant?

“WHAT? I’M PREGNANT?!”

Oops.

Yes doll, when you hear a little lullaby after getting busy with Stiles, it means you’re pregnant.

“I always thought that just meant it was time to go to sleep!”

“that damn lullaby!”

Because of Stiles’s promotion and included pay raise, we could afford to build a little nursery. Eventually this will be a hallway…I’m planning on totally redoing the layout once I get enough money.

Stiles has started to attract a big crowd of fans. Sometimes he makes 200 dollars in one shot, but then he has to pee really badly. Are the two related? I suppose they are, he always has to pee without fail when he finishes playing, whether or not his bladder bar was green when he started.

The Holy Crib looks like it’s glowing! how peaceful.

Then this horrible face looms into the nursery.

“This is for that mallet, horrible child…”

I don’t blame her for running away.

Or for not stopping until she was halfway to Tibet.

Look at that little face…she’s growing on me. But seriously, you can stop fake smiling now! We know you’re evil. I think Toby planted a dagger in your soul.

Later that day, Zero decides it’s time to teach One about traditional sun dancing, so we embark on a family trip to the park.

“mama don’t you DARE touch me!”

“YOU’RE NOT DANCING ENOUGH! Hail to my glorious streaming sunlight!”

“How dare you wear the same fashionable maternity clothing as me! I had it first!”

“In fact, this isn’t even a good color for you. Oh yeah, nothing’s a good color for you.”

“I demand you remove it at once!”

“It makes your boobs look all saggy! UGH, I can’t even stand to look at you! It’s an insult to our species!”

“You know what? I don’t like you!”

“look over there! Look – RRAAAGHHH!!

Zero! You’ve made the poor woman pee herself!

“I’ll never let you forget this, bitch! Now my shoes are soggy and smell like piss. And you’re still ugly!”

And where was Stiles during all this? Oh, he hurried home with One as soon as the insults started flying. Stiles isn’t into confrontations. (BTW, the trait of his I forgot about last time was light sleeper – no wonder I forgot it, it’s not very memorable.)

A new sacred dance, perhaps? The pirate-faced polka?

Uvrayism, noun, you-vee-ray-ism: a sun-worshipping, crazy dancing cult of insane lunatics.

Want to sign up?

“M-m-moon. Moon. I like the moon!”

“OWWW IT STINGS, THE REJECTION! You traitor, after I carried you for nine months!”

“I can’t stand it anymore…there must be a way to easily dispose of this hideous being, perhaps giving her to that Toby person…”

Zero! Pull yourself together, woman!

“What’s that? Oh dear, did I think those horrible things? How dreadful! Never again, don’t worry!”

Don’t believe her for a minute. I see that shifty look.

I’m so excited…both Zero and Stiles spun the wish to have a boy just seconds before Zero went into labor. Now I’ve got my fingers crossed! Boy, boy, boy, boy, boy.

aw, damn it.

Well, anyway, this is Two Numeral, a slobby genius, both assigned traits.

I have a feeling she’s going to look basically the same as One…same eyes, same eyebrows that One had as a baby, although darker skin.

First time in The Crib…let all that holiness sink in.

Zero sure lost the baby weight fast!

I just had enough time to buy a second crib, all black and white so as to not detract from the amazingness of The Crib’s duck print, when I realized it was time for One to grow up.

One’s final act as a toddler: to make a ridiculous face.

How much do I love this child?

“Soon I will finally be strong enough to hurt her…” *shifty look*

oh my god.

One is a depressed, Severus Snape-like child. I like it. It suits her. I’m keeping the lank hair.

Zero and Stiles taught her all three skills and she maxed out toddler creativity, so she got to roll a trait. Bookworm. Are you surprised the evil baby is a reclusive kid? I’m not :D

Here’s One’s new bedroom, with suitably busy wallpaper.

Next time: the arrival of Three!